Friday, January 21, 2011

The "L" Word

I remember the first time I thought to myself that I might be in love with Brody. I quickly dismissed the thought and told myself that it was way too soon to think something like that. The thought kept popping up in my head but each time I dismissed it quickly. Only a day or two later Brody and I were talking about how weird it was to “like” someone when Brody paused and then asked “what if I love you?” …. I was caught off guard because I didn’t think he felt the way I did so I asked him if he did.

The reason I included these spaces is because it took about 20 seconds for Brody to respond to my question….it felt like I was in a movie scene where all you could hear was silence (except for a few crickets). Now 20 seconds isn’t that long but when a question like this was asked it felt like an ETERNITY! Finally after what felt like forever, Brody told me that he did love me. I had three reactions: one of relief, another of butterflies in my stomach, and the third: an urge to slap him for making me wait nervously before he answered my question. But to his defense he did have to say it first and when you ask him about that moment he will be the first to tell you that while I was hearing uncomfortable silence, he was hearing something like this:
“do you love her? No you cant. Its too soon. Oh crap you cant be in love again. You are going to get hurt again. Don’t trust her. Ok maybe shes different. Maybe I do love her. Ok ya I think I do love her. Maybe this time it will work out different and I wont get hurt.” (all in his head of course). But I'm sure glad he admitted it and it was interesting that we were both on the exact same page with this. If we weren’t already in a foreign situation we definitely were in one now. We had said the “L” word.

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